I don't have much experience dealing with the loss of a life. My grandfathers have both died and I know of people who have died, but my grandfathers were the only people I was close enough to that I felt a loss. Even then, I knew they had lived full lives and their earthly bodies were not suited for more of life on earth. They were sick and needed new heavenly bodies. I miss them, but the progression was such that it was more natural to let them go.
I did also lose a very close high school friend. When she passed away it was several years after we had already said our goodbyes and we didn't expect to spend much time in the same place on earth again. So that wasn't crushing as much as shocking. The pain I felt for her leaving was more for her family and the life she wouldn't get to live. I wouldn't get to hear about her having children or keep up with her adventures from afar.
The loss I find myself dealing with now is confusing. I wasn't close to these children and yet I was as close as someone could be since they were in my womb. But I didn't know them. They hadn't even grown arms or legs and weren't big enough for me to see them, but I find myself grieving the loss of what could have been. The lives they might have had. The time we might have had with them. When I found out I would miscarry I didn't cry or experience the pain of loss. I willed myself to think of it as if I had never gotten pregnant in the first place - since it was so early on in the process. But now as I near the due date I would have had, and I see other women who had due dates near mine getting ready to have their babies - not to mention the fact that I haven't been able to get pregnant again - it's more painful. But sometimes it feels more like self-pity than loss. I'm not sure what it is.
It's a strange situation. One that isn't talked about much. Why is that? Most people avoid announcing a pregnancy until the window of miscarriage risk has passed. But then if there is a miscarriage, they are left to suffer in silence. No one but their closest confidants ever know unless it was far enough along in the pregnancy. Maybe we don't talk about it because it's so common - it happens to such a large percentage of the population that if everyone were announcing their miscarriages we'd be overwhelmed. Maybe because it's an awkward topic for general conversation. Maybe because we don't want other people to feel sorry for us. Whatever the case may be, I have been given a small glimpse into the pain and frustration many women face. My situation was probably the least traumatic of these types of experiences, and yet there was the pain of loss.
Remember in your interactions with others to be sensitive when asking about if a new couple is going to start a family or when people are going to have their next child. They may be trying with no success.
I do appreciate the experience though because it helps me to better understand the feelings of the women around me who deal with similar issues. I realize that I'm very fortunate to have a son to cuddle while I mourn the loss of his siblings. He keeps me busy enough to realize that my life may have been more chaotic than I was prepared to deal with - adding twins to the mix by next month. In any and all cases, God's timing and plan are perfect. It's so hard to see from our perspective, but I know it's true. I'm so glad I can put my trust in Him and wait upon Him for all good and perfect gifts. In addition to that - this life on earth is a blink of an eye in comparison to eternity - where we will rejoice in the presence of the Lord and our loved ones forever. No pain and never having to say goodbye. I'm looking forward to something greater than we are able to even imagine.
1 Corinthians 2:9
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
and no mind has imagined
what God has prepared
for those who love him.”
*Edit - I read this verse without reading the surrounding context and thus don't think it supports the point I was trying to make. I'm leaving it as is, for now. Let me know if you have any insights on this passage of scripture or others that have encouraged you regarding heaven.
I did also lose a very close high school friend. When she passed away it was several years after we had already said our goodbyes and we didn't expect to spend much time in the same place on earth again. So that wasn't crushing as much as shocking. The pain I felt for her leaving was more for her family and the life she wouldn't get to live. I wouldn't get to hear about her having children or keep up with her adventures from afar.
The loss I find myself dealing with now is confusing. I wasn't close to these children and yet I was as close as someone could be since they were in my womb. But I didn't know them. They hadn't even grown arms or legs and weren't big enough for me to see them, but I find myself grieving the loss of what could have been. The lives they might have had. The time we might have had with them. When I found out I would miscarry I didn't cry or experience the pain of loss. I willed myself to think of it as if I had never gotten pregnant in the first place - since it was so early on in the process. But now as I near the due date I would have had, and I see other women who had due dates near mine getting ready to have their babies - not to mention the fact that I haven't been able to get pregnant again - it's more painful. But sometimes it feels more like self-pity than loss. I'm not sure what it is.
It's a strange situation. One that isn't talked about much. Why is that? Most people avoid announcing a pregnancy until the window of miscarriage risk has passed. But then if there is a miscarriage, they are left to suffer in silence. No one but their closest confidants ever know unless it was far enough along in the pregnancy. Maybe we don't talk about it because it's so common - it happens to such a large percentage of the population that if everyone were announcing their miscarriages we'd be overwhelmed. Maybe because it's an awkward topic for general conversation. Maybe because we don't want other people to feel sorry for us. Whatever the case may be, I have been given a small glimpse into the pain and frustration many women face. My situation was probably the least traumatic of these types of experiences, and yet there was the pain of loss.
Remember in your interactions with others to be sensitive when asking about if a new couple is going to start a family or when people are going to have their next child. They may be trying with no success.
I do appreciate the experience though because it helps me to better understand the feelings of the women around me who deal with similar issues. I realize that I'm very fortunate to have a son to cuddle while I mourn the loss of his siblings. He keeps me busy enough to realize that my life may have been more chaotic than I was prepared to deal with - adding twins to the mix by next month. In any and all cases, God's timing and plan are perfect. It's so hard to see from our perspective, but I know it's true. I'm so glad I can put my trust in Him and wait upon Him for all good and perfect gifts. In addition to that - this life on earth is a blink of an eye in comparison to eternity - where we will rejoice in the presence of the Lord and our loved ones forever. No pain and never having to say goodbye. I'm looking forward to something greater than we are able to even imagine.
1 Corinthians 2:9
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
and no mind has imagined
what God has prepared
for those who love him.”
*Edit - I read this verse without reading the surrounding context and thus don't think it supports the point I was trying to make. I'm leaving it as is, for now. Let me know if you have any insights on this passage of scripture or others that have encouraged you regarding heaven.
3 comments:
Rhonda-This was a beautifully written post. Thank you for sharing. I am very sorry to hear about your loss. It is real and the sorrow that accompanies it is real too. You are a great example of a faithful woman. I'm glad to know you. Hang in there friend!
Sally
I enjoyed reading your post, Rhonda. It brings tears to my eyes. I guess your grandpas are enjoying their great grand-twins before we get to! I'm looking forward to meeting them someday too. Love you much! You're a special gift. Mom
Thanks for your encouragement Mom and Sally. I wasn't sure anyone would read it so quickly since I haven't been blogging much. Writing helps to process the feelings and get my thoughts out there. And maybe will encourage someone else.
Post a Comment